By JAN LARSON McLAUGHLIN
BG Independent News
Twenty-five years have passed, but Bob Kreienkamp still remembers the agony of facing the holidays fresh from a divorce.
Beloved holiday traditions came to a halt. Family and friends were divided.
“I felt like a failure,” said Kreienkamp, who lives near Wayne. “I was the first person in my family to go through divorce. The feeling of failure was overwhelming.”
But as the holiday season approaches this year, Kreienkamp and others are helping local residents who may be facing the same pain of divorce.
A free two-hour seminar on “Surviving the Holidays” is being offered on Monday, Nov. 15, from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., at St. Aloysius Church in Bowling Green. The program is open to anyone in the community.
Though it’s facilitated by St. Aloysius Catholic Church and St. Mark’s Lutheran Church in Bowling Green, it is not a religious-based program, Kreienkamp said.
“We know we have people in pain who don’t know where to turn,” he said. “We’re hoping the religious thing won’t be a deterrent to anyone.”
The seminar uses a national program offering help through the holidays after divorce.
“It’s for anyone who is going through this time of turmoil during the holidays,” said Kreienkamp, who is one of the seminar facilitators.
Kreienkamp knows all about the pain of divorce, when his marriage ended after 30 years.
“It was the worst time in my life,” he said. “You’re not the same family anymore. You’re divided.”
And the approaching holidays made the pain even more intense. For years, his family carried about cherished traditions. On Christmas Eve they would attend church, have dinner with extended family, then open presents.
“All of the sudden that was no more,” he said.
Kreienkamp remembers nights of staying up watching TV until 3 in the morning, because he couldn’t sleep. When he finally went to bed, he would stare at the ceiling until it was time to go to work.
Kreienkamp was fortunate that his co-workers at WBGU-TV could see his struggle, and reached out to help him. “They could see the pain I was going through,” he said. “To this day, I love them dearly.”
And Kreienkamp realized he was depressed and sought out help from a psychologist. “It was like going to any doctor. I was sick and needed help.” He also reached out to his pastor.
“Having someone to talk to helps,” he said.
But not everyone has caring co-workers, or the strength to reach out for mental health help.
So the “Surviving the Holidays” is offering to listen and help.
“We want to give people a shoulder and an ear, and show them there is life after divorce,” he said. “We want to guide people to the brightness of the future – not the darkness of the past.”
The seminar uses videos of divorce experts talking about such topics as how to survive holiday gatherings, the unexpected loneliness and the demands of the holidays. The participants can then join in discussions.
A small workbook covers topics such as giving presents on a lower budget, planning ahead for alone times, creating new holiday traditions, allowing others to help, handling awkward comments and prying questions, and helping children through the holidays.
Kreienkamp is hoping the seminar may help people bypass some of the painful experiences he faced.
Kreienkamp can also act as a testament to life after divorce.
“I’m lucky that I found a wonderful woman, and we’ve been married for 21 years now.”
Registration for the seminar is open through Nov. 14, and can be done at https://www.divorcecare.org/leade…/my/holiday_events/38693 or by calling either parish office. Child care will be available.
