By JAN McLAUGHLIN
BG Independent News
Kelly Gerken knows the immeasurable pain of losing three infants.
In 1996, Faith and Grace were stillborn. Two years later, Thomas lived for just six hours with kidneys that did not function. Gerken went on to have two healthy babies, Timothy and James – but knew she wanted to help people suffering the same unfathomable losses.
Out of Gerken’s pain, Sufficient Grace Ministries was born in 2004 to help other families. Since then, Gerken and her team have been offering comfort and support to families who have received a life-limiting diagnosis in pregnancy and those facing an unexpected loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant/toddler death.
The need is great. Every 45 seconds, a baby dies in the womb or soon after being born, Gerken said.
“We provide bereavement support for any mother,” she said. “We will not refuse support for anyone.”
Sufficient Grace Ministries, housed in Deshler, is non-profit organization providing perinatal hospice and bereavement support and resources for more than 2,000 families enduring pregnancy and infant loss each year.
The program’s role is to walk alongside doctors and nurses, to offer a non-medical layer of family-centered support. Resources and services are always given free to charge to bereaved families.
In 2024, Sufficient Grace Ministries offered in-person support services at hospitals or funeral homes to 265 families. More than 2,000 families received support through the program’s “Dreams of You” bereavement packages, literature and 24/7 virtual support.
The program validates the loss of a pregnancy or an infant – in ways that society often doesn’t know how to acknowledge. Sufficient Grace Ministries is changing that.
“We did not talk about this type of loss 10 years ago,” said Jenn Van Vorhis, director of family services with the program. “That’s still a life cut short.”
Oftentimes, nurses ask grieving parents if they would like staff and volunteers with Sufficient Grace Ministries to meet them at hospitals or funeral homes. If wanted, the volunteers help create memories that other new parents have the privilege of preserving.
The program recognizes that grieving parents – who often say hello and goodbye in the same breath – have a very limited time to fit a lifetime of dreams and memories. So Sufficient Grace Ministries can save a lock of hair, take a mold of a tiny hand, or preserve a tiny footprint. They can bathe and dress the baby, and place in a hand-painted casket if wanted. Someone trained in “remembrance photography” can take pictures of parents with their child. They can journal if that helps.
“This is proof their baby existed,” Van Vorhis said. “Bonding is also important when the baby dies.”
The Sufficient Grace team doesn’t use medical terminology. They ask the baby’s name and use it. They treat the baby’s body with dignity, Gerken said.
The ministry also offers families “comfort bears,” hand-made by volunteers. Each year, at least 300 stuffed bears are given to families.
Families are also given a chance to talk of their hopes being lost.
“When you lose a baby, you also lose all those dreams,” Gerken said. “We’re always working to change that culture and give that voice to grieving families.”
“There’s still a stigma,” talking about stillbirths or early infant deaths, Van Vorhis said. “The courage of the women sharing their stories, giving people a voice for sharing their loss.”
The program doesn’t disappear once arrangements are made by families.
“Support does not end,” Van Vorhis said, noting that they may stay in contact with families for a decade. “We don’t have a time limit.”
To offer continuing support, “Walking With You” bereavement support groups are offered both online and in-person.
Sufficient Grace also offers support to medical professionals, dealing with the loss of one in every four pregnancies.
“They are trained in how to save lives,” Gerken said. So the loss rate is hard for them also. “There’s this helplessness for them.”
The organization trains volunteers, currently numbering about 200, doulas who are state-licensed people with no formal obstetric training, who provide guidance and support for pregnant women during labor and with newborns.
Sufficient Grace has grown in the last two decades. Initially housed in Gerken’s basement, in 2018 it moved into a house in Deshler, and just this month it moved to space donated by a church in the same community.
The organization works with 80 hospitals and funeral homes in the region.
To reach more people facing such loss, Gerken authored “Walking with You: A Gentle Guide for Grieving Mothers,” which later became a series also aimed at fathers and grandparents. She also authored “Grief Bearer” geared toward people in health professions.
In addition to providing compassion support, Sufficient Grace also equips others to support families through comprehensive CEU-approved training for medical and birth professionals.
The program is supported by donations. Anyone wanting to learn more or send support may visit: https://sufficientgraceministries.org.
