By JAN LARSON McLAUGHLIN
BG Independent News
Somewhere in the last few decades, our holiday seasons morphed from magical into manic.
The movies reflecting our feelings toward the holidays turned from the simplistic “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “White Christmas” to the frantic “Christmas with the Kranks” and “Christmas Vacation.”
So earlier this week, the Unitarian Church in Bowling Green hosted a program on “10 tips to surviving the holidays.” The tips were presented by Erin Wiley, a licensed professional clinical counselor.
Her first bit of advice – make good choices on simple subjects like sleep, exercise and eating.
“Our society encourages people to push it to the limit,” Wiley said. But sometimes those excesses take a toll on our bodies. During the holidays, people tend to get less sleep, eat much more sweet stuff, and have less time to exercise.
Those traveling during the holidays may want to make sure they keep up on rest – even if it’s brief catnaps. “I’ve perfected the science of napping,” Wiley said.
And find your “sleep number” – not the softness of your mattress – but the number of hours you need each night to be at your best. For most people, that number is somewhere between six and eight hours.
Second, manage your expectations. Disappointments occur when we have unrealistic ideas of the holidays being perfect.
“We expect certain things and when we get less than we expect it sets us up for a lot of anger and frustration,” Wiley said.
Thanksgiving the Christmas this year may be more “emotionally turbulent” than usual, due to the strong and diverse feelings held about the presidential election this year. Wiley advised that people be prepared for some tension. When disagreements get heated, take charge.
“Be the peacemaker,” she said, suggesting the use of food to soothe the conflict. “Who wants brownies?” may be best response when conversations about fracking begin, Wiley said.
Above all, don’t expect perfection in the food, your family, or gifts. “Let it go,” she suggested.
Third, practice moderation in this season of excess. Set aside one day for Christmas shopping, rather than trying to hit every sale. Don’t spread yourself too thin over every holiday event, even if you are a Christmas “junkie.” And one piece of pie will probably do – save the leftovers to enjoy another day. “You do not need to eat it all in one day,” Wiley advised.
Fourth, practice mindfulness. Try to ignore all the distractions and enjoy the moment. Consider limiting your use of electronics, or maybe even shut them off for a while during the holidays.
Fifth, drop the guilt of the season. Don’t let the “shoulds” ruin the holidays. You don’t need to go to every holiday gathering. You don’t need to buy gifts for everyone.
“We let other people’s expectations for us weigh us down,” Wiley said. “You’re going to wear yourself out.”
Sixth, do something special for yourself during the holiday season. That may be something small like a nap or spending some time in compete silence. Or it could be spending time with a friend, getting a manicure or a massage.
“If we aren’t filling our own tank,” then we can’t be expected to keep giving of ourselves during the holidays. “You can’t pour from an empty vessel,” Wiley added.
Seven, once you’ve filled up your vessel, then turn your focus to helping someone else. Share time, share money, share a listening ear – whatever you have to give to someone in need. Focusing on helping someone else can help get yourself out of the doldrums.
Eight, put some effort into giving thoughtful – not necessarily expensive – gifts. Make homemade gifts, even if it’s writing a heartfelt letter to someone you care about. Think about gifts that would truly mean something to the recipient – taking them on a shopping trip, getting tickets for a ballgame, framing a picture of good times. “Challenge yourself to think about the gifts you can buy.”
Nine, flip the script in your head. Instead of dreading family gatherings and thinking about how tight your clothes are fitting, think positively. Make an effort each day to write down two reasons you have to be grateful.
“Fake it till you make it,” Wiley said. “What we focus on is what we are going to see.”
And 10, consult a professional if you need to. Friends are great, but sometimes you may need to get help from a trained counselor. “There is nothing like having someone to talk to, especially during the holidays,” Wiley said.
