By JULIE CARLE
BG Independent News
Let’s face it. Parenting can be exhausting. Pressures come from all directions taking a toll and pooping out parents everywhere.
A Bowling Green clinical child psychologist, who is on a mission to fortify families, has some tips – 29 to be exact – in her first parenting book based on 20 years of practice and research.
Dr. Andrea D. Mata wrote “The No. 2 Parenting Book: Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent,” to offer practical ideas in short, easy-to-read chapters.
Lending credence to the title, Mata said the best part of the book is the ability to read each chapter in the time it takes to poop, adding the caveat “a mom poop, not a dad poop,” she said.
“I researched how long adults should take to poop, and it turns out you really shouldn’t be on the toilet for longer than about five minutes. So, who knows what’s going on with dads’ 45-minute poops. I think there are some issues of avoidance there,” she joked.
With an average adult reading about 238 words in a minute, she has deliberately kept the chapters to about 1,190 words that can be read during those five-minute poops.
Mata also opted to stay away from including the heavy science and theories of child development and instead chose to answer parents’ most basic questions: “My child is doing this, what do I do?”
“Parents might want the child development theories and science, but they don’t have time for it. And let’s be honest, who cares if Freud, Erikson or Vygotsky came up with the psych-social stuff,” she said.
When she was thinking about writing a parenting book, she first asked herself, “What do they really need?” As a mother of three and a family therapist who specializes in treating antisocial and aggressive behaviors in children and teens, she knew, “They need practical tips, and they need it really quick.”
The 29 chapters—each with a “raw and real story” that parents can relate to followed by a practical tip—are clustered in three sections. All the stories are “parent fails that have happened to me, my friends or clients,” she said.
The first section focuses on the fundamentals of parenting and is titled, “You Can’t Parent from the Couch.”
“This is what every parent needs to be doing if they do nothing else,” Mata said. “It’s the idea that it is never too late to become a better parent.”
In the fundamentals section, she is a huge proponent of engaged and active activities, as well as consistency. She also hammers home the idea that parents are overscheduling and overparenting.
“We get our kids into everything because of how society promotes ‘the more they do, the better off thy are.’ Parents are being told they have to do these things, or they are not good parents. That is absolutely ridiculous,” Mata said.
For the second section, “The High Expectations,” she borrowed from her TEDxBGSU talk earlier this year. The focus is on how to modify your child’s behavior and get them to do what you want them to do.
The third and final section, “The Warm and Fuzzies,” is also a theme she referred to in her TEDx talk. “How do you build a strong, loving relationship with your child?”
She offers tips geared mostly for children between 3 and 12 years of age. “Zero to two (years) is its own kind of beast; you’re just wanting the child to survive. And the teenage years are a whole other book,” she said.
Every tip feeds into some aspect of child development and sets them up for positive developmental outcomes. “Kids want attention. They would rather get it in a positive way, but if you only pay attention when they are being negative, they are going to do that,” she explained. An entire chapter called “Functions of Behavior” deals with why kids do what they do.
The goal is to shape the environment so children understand what they need to do to receive positive attention whether at home or school.
Autonomy, confidence and a sense of belonging are the three things that all humans want, Mata said. “Even though I don’t talk specifically about autonomy, that is the research that is behind the tips and that goes into my writing,” she explained.
Mata interjects humor throughout the book in the stories, funny remarks as call-outs, and over 20 illustrations that introduce Adult TP and Kid TP to readers as well as “Coop the Poop” emoji. One of the illustrations included with a story, shows Kid TP writing 100 times on a chalkboard “I will not roll my eyes.”
She has family, friends and professionals who are part of her team as she navigates the publishing process for the first time. From her husband, who encouraged her to “brain dump” all her parenting book ideas, to two close friends who are helping with graphic design and illustrations.
The book will be published through Amazon with an anticipated publication date of Dec. 29, tying into her lucky number that relates to her birthday, the number of chapters/tips, and the number she chose as a softball player.
Anyone who is interested in pre-ordering the book can email her at andrea@brightspotfamilites.com. She plans to schedule workshops, talks and book signings to promote the book. The Wood County District Public Library will host a Meet the Author event with Mata at 2 p.m. on Feb. 17.
Mata loves teaching, whether it is through therapy, workshops or books; “they are all teaching, just in different modalities,” she said. “Depending on how this book goes, I already have two to three other books laid out, with the next one focusing on parents and things like dealing with mom or dad guilt and how not to pass undesirable traits down to your child.”
She admitted that parents might not find all 29 tips to be helpful. “If you can get one or two tips that make your life easier as a parent, to me that’s worth it. Give it a try. You can read it in under three hours.”
