By JULIE CARLE
BG Independent News
Dr. Andrea Mata believes living “audaciously imperfect” may be a factor in overcoming stress and burnout.
The Bowling Green area clinical psychologist, who works predominately with children, adolescents and young adults, spoke to about 50 women during Wood County Hospital’s recent “Positively Pink” event.
Speaking specifically about the pressures that women face, Mata said, “Perfectionism is huge in society right now.”
It starts with how girls are raised to be completely well-rounded from cute and well-dressed to excellent academically and athletically.
“There’s all this pressure to empower, empower, empower our girls to be perfect, and it’s causing tons of anxiety and depression because we are setting them up for these expectations they can’t meet,” Mata said.
She is also concerned that while the girls are being told to be the best they can be, “we are forgetting about our boys and letting them go by the wayside,” she added.
A “mean girl” attitude is sometimes carried over into adulthood. “How women are judgmental toward other women” also contributes to the pressure
By the time the girls become women, they are expected to work 10-hour days, have immaculate houses, cook meals that everyone enjoys, look nice, change their wardrobes every season, participate in book clubs and wine clubs with their best friends, carpool and be team moms.
The expectations result in exhaustion, depersonalization or not feeling like yourself, lower personal accomplishments and low self-esteem.
The pressure “is making us anxious and depressed because we think we are not good enough,” she added.
“We feel like failures, and we experience depression,” she said, which leads to more women taking anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications. Unfortunately, only about 30% of people get relief by taking those medications “because it is more of an environmental thing than a biological thing,” she said.
Performance level goes down, “not just productivity but how well we do things is going down as well,” she said, and the cycle continues.
“We are trying to live out a life based off of others’ expectations,” she said.
In the face of society’s expectation of perfectionism, Mata suggested it’s time “to start embracing our imperfections. Those are the things that connect us,” she said. ”We also need to embrace and support one another.”
One of the techniques to start to live audaciously imperfect lives is by living a value-based life.
“Focus on what is important to you and be much more intentional about what you are doing and how you are living,” Mata said. She suggested ranking what is important to you and then looking at where you spend your time. Ideally, the most time in a given day or week should be devoted to the highest-ranked values.
If the values and the actions don’t align, changes might be necessary. “The first step of behavioral change is being aware of what is going on,” she said.
Mata recommended goal-setting, including “a big, audacious outcome goal,” which is often that you do not have control over; a smart, specific, attainable yet aggressive goal that is relevant and time-bound; and process, daily and weekly actions that are in your control and “will lead to your outcome goal,” she explained.
For her, a daily plan with her time blocked to accomplish necessary tasks keeps her on track. She also lists three things she must accomplish each day, along with a list of must-do, want to do and should do for the week.
What I did, blocked off every 30 minutes of my day, sit down on Sunday/Monday fill in every 30 min. block. Top three things I have to accomplish that day, list of things I must do, want to do, and should do that week.
Without a plan, “those 1,440 minutes that you get every day just start to dwindle away,” from scrolling social media, and Pinterest on phones and computers. “The next thing you know it’s two hours later and we haven’t accomplished a thing,” she said.
The talk was an important topic for busy women, said Teri Laurer, R.N., director of wellness services at Wood County Hospital. “We don’t always take care of ourselves. Things get put on the back burner,” she said. “This was a great opportunity to let the women have a night out where they can learn, improve themselves and work on things before a diagnosis is made.”
Wood County Hospital is here to support them, not just through treatment but to help better themselves and improve their health and well-being,” Laurer said.
