There is this weight that has been sitting heavily on my shoulders. It’s been there for as long as I can remember, and as time passes the heavier it seems to get. I don’t know what caused it. I just know I feel like I am locked deep inside a dark dungeon, and I can’t seem to get out! I am not sure how much longer I can bear this weight because my knees are collapsing, and the pressure is just too much for me to handle! Why hasn’t anybody prepared me for this? I feel so scared and alone!
I am banging on the dungeon walls thinking someone out there can hear me and set me free, but no such luck. It’s all on me. So I scratch and claw my way to freedom, but those around me keep pushing me back inside this dark and scary place, and they slam the door shut! The more I try to fight them, the weaker I become. They overpower my every move, knocking me back down repeatedly. Do I give up and stay down or do I get back up and keep fighting for me?
It’s a never-ending battle to be free, but this time I am choosing to fight for ME! I need to break free from this prison, live my life to its fullest potential. I need to be happy and carefree! I want to be adventurous and feel the rush inside that makes a person feel alive! But the only way I can is to be true to myself by being the person I was meant to become!
I will no longer feel ashamed of myself for trying to be who I was meant to become. Hi, I’m Matt, and I am Transgender!
Man, it feels good to finally let that out. This wasn’t my choice, and it is not a sin to be the best version of your authentic self! So today I am taking back my life, controlling the outcome of my future; I will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s ignorance, so I will break free from these shackles that have been weighing me down for all these years, and I am never looking back!
But in all this new-found happiness and determination I still feel like I am being held captive! What am I doing wrong? Then the feeling of being trapped sets in, and I can no longer move or blink, the walls feel like they are closing in on me. I am petrified. How did I end up back in the same place I just escaped? Tears flood my eyes and I realize there is no way out of this. Damn! I am still a prisoner, there is just no escaping. Once I am free, I always end up back in this dark dungeon again, fighting, clawing, and screaming to be let out!
I feel like I am on a carousel that just keeps going. It never stops or slows down. It just seems to go faster! I keep begging for my freedom, but no one seems to hear my desperate cries for help. I can feel myself start to panic; I am struggling for air; I am drowning and there is no one here to save me! I can’t seem to break these shackles from my ankles that weigh me down. I am slowly suffocating; I am dying inside, my breathing becomes calmer, and I become more terrified now than I have ever been before. What will happen next is unknown and that is always the scariest!
I know these feelings won’t last forever and someday I will be free to live my life my own way, but until that day comes, I will continue fighting my way out of this dark dungeon because.
I AM BREAKING FREE!
Sarah Tiell
Bowling Green
